Q: Is this for real?
A: Yes.

Q: No, honestly, is this for real?
A: *sigh*.

Yes. Everything presented on SuprSlicr.com is based upon the true events from Lisa's life. Except for the stuff which isn't. Which is never clearly labelled.

Q: So who are you, and what is this, exactly?
A: This is the personal webpage of SuprSlicr, or Lisa. Lisa is from New York, and her hobbies include getting drunk and writing her personal web page. It's sort of a blog, but it's been around since before blogs were cool, and will be around way after blogs cease to be cool. The trick to this? Ensuring Suprslicr.com is never cool.

Q: Did I click the wrong link, then? I was looking for geriatric monkey porn.
A: Yes. Yes, you did.

Q: Do you really update every day?
A: Absolutely! A new update is painstakingly hand-crafted and uploaded, every single day, rain or shine!

Q: But I could have sworn that nothing changed for three weeks, and then 21 updates appeared at once?
A: Ahh, well, the thing about that is that SuprSlicr.com is behind a really bad caching proxy that may display a really old version of the page. The caching proxy updates on a totally random basis. Simple, eh?

Q: You're not a very good liar, are you?
A: I'm a fantastic liar!

Q: What does all this entertainment cost me?
A: Not a nickel! Actually, the only thing you have to give us is your immortal soul, which is written over to us in a contract printed in microscopically fine print on the button at the bottom of every page.

Q: Sometimes I see mention of, or I see at the bottom of an update, the name "JRC". Who, or what is this?
A: JRC is a highly virulent computer worm which has infected Lisa's computer. All attempts to remove the infection, which include anti-virus software, "FORMAT C:", and a sledgehammer have failed. Sometimes this malicious code will rewrite an update before it reaches the server. To avoid infection yourself, you should take the following steps if you see such an update:

(a) Power off your computer IMMEDIATELY by unplugging it from the wall.

(b) Submerge it in salt-water for two and a half hours.

Q: Sometimes I see that an update has been written by "Syzzk/Kyle". Who, or what is this?
A: Syzzk is a highly virulent Canadian which has infected Lisa's life. All attempts to remove the infection, which include anti-virus software, "FORMAT C:", and a real life encounter with the tooth have failed. Sometimes this malicious entity will write an update before Lisa gets a chance. There's no risk of your infection, however when reading these updates, you are required to salute and sing the Canadian national anthem, which is "Oh, Maple Leaf of Mine", or something.

Q: Sometimes I see that an update has been written by "Cardinal Grimm". Who, or what is this?
A: There is no Cardinal Grimm. He is in fact a figment of Lisa's imagination, and she writes all of his updates herself. When you read one, it probably means that she's been on the rum, again.

Q: Ahh, yes, I keep noticing references to Rum. What's with that?
A: Suprslicr.com is officially sponsored by the Rum Advocacy Council.

Q: I want a giant Chee-to!
A: Please write to:

Frito-Lay Consumer Affairs
P.O. Box 660634
Dallas, TX 75266

Q: I represent American Express/FOX/The New York Department of Transport, and I protest the unauthorised use of my client's logo, and demand its immediate removal.
A: SuprSlicr.com had actually prepared an official line in answer to these queries, however it has been removed as our legal counsel has advised us that "Go to Hell, you snivelling parasitic rat-bastards" may be construed in a negative light.

Q: I wish to advertise on your site, with pop-ups and stuff. Can I do that?
A: Go to Hell, you snivelling parasitic rat-bastards.

Q: I have a query or concern that was not answered by this FAQ.
A: Please write to:

Frito-Lay Consumer Affairs
P.O. Box 660634
Dallas, TX 75266